I want to put some pictures from my trip to Island Park with my fam but until I get around to that...
I've been contemplating the line between life and death. It's always seemed like such a hard thing to do, to die. My Dad's Step-Father was put in the hospital recently and is now in a care center. He's 82 and for atleast twenty years, he has been preparing to die. His burial plots are purchased. His funeral plans are made. His life story is published, bound, and dispursed. He even has his obituary typed and ready for the paper. He has acted as if he was at death's door for the past ten years. Two months ago, he went for a routine procedure and as they wheeled him in to the operating room he told God, "God, this would be a great time to take me home." He expressed his dissappointment that he heard an audible voice kindly say, "No, John."
Three weeks ago, with the diagnosis of vascular dementia, he suddenly appeared as if he would have his wish. He couldn't eat or swallow and hadn't eaten anything in days. His body was frail and boney. The nursing staff told us he would go at any time. Two weeks later, a doctor asked if he would like a feeding tube and Grandpa said, "Yes." After a long surgery, he's nourished and getting stronger. When my mom and dad talked to him the other day, he said, "They never bring me any food?" My parents reminded him that he was given a feeding tube and he responded, "If I have one, I don't know about it. I'm so hungry...I want a piece of strawberry pie." Later he told my parents that he was going to fight this and get better.
I can't help but wonder, why? I want so badly to ask him, "Why fight something you've been asking for such a long time?" How odd. I'm sure he has his reasons. Many of us do this same thing. We beg for something for so long and when it finally comes, we want to take it back and have what we had all along.
I know this is a lot deeper than my usual "look at this cute thing Kate did" and "Here are some cute pics from our vacation" but maybe I'll need this someday. Maybe it will remind me to be more in the moment, not waiting for the end but enjoying the ride for what it is.
P.S. If you finished reading this whole post, you deserve a star.
Scott - Julie - Kate
5 comments:
Give me a star then! I like contemplative moments.
I think about my grandpa all the time and wonder what old age and poorer health will be like. He's 90 years old and still maintaining a house and helping support his wife (and my mother now)! What will our lives be like at that age...beautiful insights!
You're deep Julie
very true! live for the moment! hope he's doing well!
Julie, I was moved by your thought provoking words. Thank you for being one who puts aside self and thinks of others. Today I realized you don't have to put a lot of time into visiting Dad now. He told me yesterday, I would love it if any of my grandchildren would call me occasionally and just say hello. He wouldn't say much. It probably wouldn't take more than 30 seconds of our time. He has become so appreciative. He thanks me for things I haven't given. Is he still here to teach us forgivenss and help us to think the best of others when they least deserve it? Will he even remember that we called? Will he just keep longing for more because he doesn't remember we came or called? I remember visiting people in rest homes about their hearing. They would go on about how no one visited them but their kids visited them regularly. They just didn't remember it.
I took him some cookies yesterday, not knowing if he could even eat them. I thought, perhaps mom could have them when she comes to visit if he can't chew them. Later, I visited mom. He didn't remember who brought them. How will we respond to John? What will we do with an old man hanging on to every breath of life that has very little to offer others? Do we stop thinking of how busy we are to say Hi, just thinking of you? Now, you got me thinking. How should we treat our parents when they become more like our children than our parents? Do we treat them worse than we would our children? Do we only give them what we think they deserve or do we give them what we should because they are a person. Many parents fail to realize we SHOULD hug a child most when they desrve it the least. Is an aging parent any different? I am afraid I am guilty of thinking I should only give it to them when it has been earned. Shame on me! This is not about him, did he earn my respect? It's about me, did I give it when it was least deserved? That is true charity. Patient, longsuffering, meek, gentle. Sorry that was more than just a comment.
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