Rainy Saturday, 4.5%, & Forgiveness

Today, despite the rain, we went to the Zoo. It's been a long time since we've been to the Zoo. I don't think Scott's been since he was little. We just haven't spent money on good times since we went to the aquarium last year. We had so much fun. Kate was excited to ride the Carousel. I don't think she knew this was an Ostrich. In line she just kept saying, "I want to ride the birdie!" I thought she was talking about the peacock.

Kate was so funny going into the reptile and primate buildings. She couldn't stand the smell. She was so bothered by it that she ran out even before she finished touring the building. We gave her nose a break and went back in a few minutes later and as we walked in I could see her preparing her nose, scrunching it up and holding her breath at little. Silly girl. She has her Aunt Kristi's super-human sense of smell. Ha.

And here's Kate with her gift shop find, a chirping Mountain Bluebird.

Good times. The rain didn't even get in the way. Kate was so excited to get a chirping bird "just like Hailey," one of her cousins.

Good news: We were able to refinance our first and second mortgage (we had an 80/20 to avoid mortgage insurance) into one and the rate still blows us away. It's fixed at 4.5%! Isn't 4.5% amazing! Since we don't have to pay a mortgage for May and we're receiving a fat escrow check in the mail in a few weeks, we're using a small portion of that money to buy Kate a nice swing set. I think we have it narrowed down to two favorites. They aren't the fanciest but I know she'll love having a glider again. Our hand-me-down set is falling apart and dangerous right now.

I've completely forgiven my sisters for ignoring me over spring break and for working all the time. They aren't so rotten or rude after all-I knew that all along. I know they had every excuse to not think I was that great of a sister when they got married and started their families because I was still in high school and I was never any use to them. Having my sisters work as hard as they do makes me appreciate the tremendous gift it is for me to be able to stay home with Kate. I know I would be such a basket-case if I had to work and arrange for someone to care for Kate while I helped pay the bills. There is absolutely no luxury in life more meaningful to me than my not having to be employed. Really, my niece Samantha is a fantastic sister to me. I can argue with her all I want and she loves to argue right back-and she totally gets me. She gives me great advice on everything. She tags along with me while I shop for random things and she always helps with Kate. I'll have to remember to thank Jeni for Samantha and thank Samantha for being so much like the little sister I never had. Good Times.

Concrete Answers

Scott and I finally know, at least in part, why it is impossible for us to plan a family. We received our recent test results back from the urologist and they weren't good results. But I expected that. The good news is that it's still possible that we might be able to get pregnant someday but the chances are slim and impossible to plan.

My feelings are all over the place and I haven't settled on how I really feel about the whole thing. Because my sisters also only have one child, they were less than sympathetic about my recent bad news. In fact, now that I've joined their club, I think it brings them comfort. And being part of their club helps me not feel so sorry for myself.

I am astounded at what a miracle Kate is! We knew the moment we found out we were pregnant that it was a miracle but now our miracle is confirmed anew. I can never enough express my gratitude for the blessing and gift it was to be pregnant and feel all that's associated with pregnancy. In the back of my mind I told myself everyday to enjoy every minute of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and every moment of that little girl's life because I knew it was possible that it would be my only chance.

My heart pains for those who will never in this life have biological children. I don't know how they cope. Right now I don't really want to consider adoption, even though that is a good idea for most people in our situation. I will give it serious thought and prayer but it just doesn't seem right, yet. I can't even imagine going through that roller coaster. We'll see.

A surgery is an option for us but it is only a 50/50 chance of correcting the problem and it has a lot of drawbacks to it. We are still unsure whether that is an option for us.

My Sorry Pair of Sisters

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking this week and I decided that my sisters have pushed me too far. I always dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom and hanging out with my sisters and swapping babysitting with them while our hubbies went to work. But by the time I got around to having Kate, Jeni's only daughter was 12-years-old and Jill's only son was 8-years-old. I guess having a 15-year-old cousin is nice, I have a built-in-babysitter but I have to pay her and sisters babysit for free. You see what I mean? So that's all well and good but then my rotten sisters have the audacity to be employed, both of them, the entire three years that I've been a stay-at-home mom. Now that's just plain rude!

You can imagine how my excitement puddles over when I foresee a school break coming up (they both work in education). Unfortunately, they are usually so bogged down from their 40-plus work weeks that they have a laundry list of projects or fun to get through so the only way I can spend time with them is if I go to their places to help them with their projects (which I don't mind so much).

Spring Break this year is no exception. They dared go away, together, to Disneyland. True, they said I could come if I wanted to but Kate would be such a handful and Scott isn't taking consistent paychecks from work right now with how slow work is-although, it is picking up a bit just now.

Have you ever heard of a more sorry pair of sisters?

I know some poor girls don't even have sisters. I should be grateful that my family tree includes a couple. And as far as older sisters go, they're alright. Maybe they're getting back at me for being in high school and college all the years that they had their children small--no, they worked then too so they can't hold that against me. I just want sisters. What good is a sister if she doesn't do what sisters are supposed to do?

On the other hand, maybe I couldn't stand having them around all the time. Maybe I have a much better relationship with my husband when they stay as far away as possible. Well anyway, like I said, I've been doing a lot of thinking. And if my two sisters eventually accept the invite to my blog and pay some attention to me, they'll just sit and mouth off all the times they were there for me: like when I had my appendectomy and I was also trying to move into my new house and Jill and Jeni came over and moved all our important things in so that we could function. Or the time I needed help getting started with some renovations in my basement and Jeni came over and helped paint for most of the day. Or the many times Jill and I have commiserated over our one-child families and our yearning for more. Oh, and if you look in my house, 70% of the furnishings came by way of Jeni's hand-me-downs and 90 % of Kate's toys are hand-me-downs from both Jeni and Jill from when their kids were little. I guess they aren't all that bad. Maybe I should cut them some slack for abandoning me? Okay, but just a little.

Little Bunny Foo Foo

Scott and I had the privilege of hosting the Bangerter Family Home Evening this month. We get together one Sunday every month and have dinner, dessert, a gospel lesson, and then we calendar upcoming events. After our dinner, we had an Easter egg hunt for the kids. Here's Kate showing off one of her eggs. And then a picture of Gary holding baby Suzie.

I love this pic of little Hailey reaching in for an egg and her big-brother, Zac, pointed her right to it. Zac, Whitney, and Hailey's cousins, Drew, Ellie, and James joined us for dinner since they're staying at Jason and Kristi's for a few days. We missed Jeff, Anna, Jessica, and Ashlee but they are taking a much deserved break at the cabin.

Conference was a wonderful time for us. Scott and I felt renewed and almost saddened when it was all over. What a blessing it is to receive specific counsel for us from a living prophet. It's hard to pick favorites but I felt at least four of the talks were directly for me and what I needed to hear. I hope everyone has a good Easter celebration this week and that you are all able to celebrate more than just the Easter bunny.