The War Inside

You could see the woman had some inner struggle she was wrestling with upon arising that morning. Had she encountered a bad dream? Her child peeped in her room and even though "Good Morning" was on the woman's lips, anyone could tell this was far from it for her.
Still, she trudged along pouring ceral and then a bath for her little one, and continuing on to make beds, start laundry, and fold cothes. She choked her emotions and carried on.
After helping her child dry, dress and primp--no, not primp. What was done to that little girl was not primping. That would entail curling, and bows, and hairspray. No, this was more of a tidying up of sorts. She brushed the little girl's wet hair and pulled a small portion into a clip to stay out of the child's face. With the little girl ready, the woman walked her to preschool, with a run here and there because they were late, again. A hug goodbye, and then another, and then a wave through the window and the woman was alone.
The woman was surrounded in an hora of pure melancholy. One could see that being alone wasn't a blessing this time. But the wrestle would have to wait. Now it was time to exercise. The woman wasted no time. She ran down the hill to her home. Peeled down the stairs and began the workout program. As the music kicked in her resolve waivered. Her shoulders hunched in defeat. She picked up her feet for the warmup and clearly looked as if an unseen force was slowing her down and holding her back. Then a grimace, followed by a tear making an appearance in her dull, grey eyes. With work she choked down her emotions only to have them resurface continually throughout her workout.
At one point, she began shouting at some invisible creature whom she only could see. She threw her punches and kicks with real force at the unknown being, her face full of rage. And the shouts began again. What or who was she mad at? Or was it the entire world? The tears flowed easily now-she wasn't holding them back but embracing them. Tears through tightly clenched jaws.
"You don't love me!" she  blurted.
"You don't hold me!" she raged on."You do nothing for me! I'm sick of feeling so poor. I'm sick of the undone projects all around me. I'm sick of it all!" She muttered on and it sounded like she was asking forgiveness in the end. Begging to be forgiven for feeling this way; begging it from God, from herself, from everyone. Her tears faded with that and her workout was over and she went in for a shower.
Out of the shower and dressed, she looked at the clock--one more hour of freedom. She picked up a pencil and paper and began to write.

I Told Kate We Were Going on an Adventure!

So there I was... hungry, penniless, and hour away from home. Scott, Kate, and I were on a drive to see the fall colors up Alpine's Scenic Backway. We had made it to In N Out Burger for dinner and in the parking lot, with the smell of burgers and fries wafting in through the windows, when Scott realized he had forgotten his wallet. Kate was still asleep contorted like a pretzel in her booster on the back seat. I left my purse at home as well. I thought it through even. I reasoned that I didn't need it if Scott had his wallet and that bringing it would only put it at greater risk of being stolen or lost. Granted we weren't altogether penniless. We had a few pennies and even a couple quarters in the car but not enough for even one big, mouth-watering burger-let alone the signature fries.
 
I hadn't eaten since noon. Even after eating lunch I was still hungry. I hadn't met my protein quota with my slice of Dave's Killer Bread, parmesan cheese, my very own home-grown tomato, sliced on top, with a little sea salt and basil. I paired that with a little yogurt and a homemade, chocolate-chip cookie for dessert. And that was all yum but it was now creeping close to 6:30 pm.

After a little quarrel over who should manage the GPS--let's see, the driver while driving or the passenger, hmmmm, tough call. Scott pulled over so he could figure out where we were going-because clearly he wasn't going to let me play with his cool, relatively new toy (Scott bought a smart phone a few months ago-It's awesome and I'm always trying to get my hands on it).

Once on the right path, we enjoyed all that we could of the trip. We stopped first at Bridal Veil Falls.

 {It's crazy hard to do a self-portrait of the three of us because of the height differences. We'll have to work on that. I still think it's better than having one picture with Scott and Kate and another with me and Kate. And Kate's pose makes up for any problems with my photography.}

I Love this girl! Squeeze! Mmmmuah!

Then we continued up the narrow Byway with God's exquisite decorating skills at their best! The beauty was unexplainable. I usually drive through the loop going south so it was a treat to see everything from the other direction. Gorgeousness! 

After the lovely drive and good conversation, we made it home, hungrier than ever. Scott ran in the house to grab his wallet and we ate our dinner around 8:30 pm at Tony Burgers and finished the night off watching the end of the new Tinkerbell movie with Kate and then we put our little fairy to bed. We had a wonderful Friday night! Other than the GPS showdown, the evening was even conflict-free which was surprising considering the circumstances. But whining about it wouldn't have done any good.


Lesson learned: stash some cash in the car!

New LDS Church Website

Hey, here's the link to the beta version of the new lds.org website my brother has been working on as an employee in the Design department at Church Headquarters: www.new.lds.org. It's very cool. I think it's easier to use than the old one. What do you think? If you have feedback, scroll to the bottom of the new website and find the place to make comments and suggestions and leave one.

Tonight I Did Ballet

So, I took my first ballet class tonight since I was six-years-old and back then, of course, I didn't really do any of the moves. At six-years-old, I was that girl going left when everyone else went right. I hated ballet and begged my mom not to put me back in. But really, I just didn't like recitals and getting up in front of people. But tonight I was in an adult ballet class of three! I joined my oldest sister, Jeni, who is 9-years my senior, and her daughter, Sami, 13-years my junior. We had a riot of a good time. We were laughing, making fun of each other, and feeling tall, strong, and graceful. I can't believe I'm doing it. I'm 30 for goodness sake. But why should ballet be just for little girls anyway? They already have cute, sexy legs and a firm tush.

It's never too late to start something great!

P.S. This is Way too Much Information...

But I had to say that Scott's most recent lab test results for our fertility challenges came out SMASHINGLY BEAUTIFUL! The PA gave me what normal is, what Scott's results were from last year (before his surgery in November), and what the results are from his test two weeks ago. I want to post Scott's results on the refrigerator - they are that good! If Urologists gave out letter grades for their clients' lab tests, Scott would have an A+! Good job Scotty-boy! Now I can't tease you anymore.

Okay, I know having great lab results doesn't guarantee everything and Kate might still be an only child--but knowing Scott's results were good is really cool and I'm really proud of my him for getting through it. What a difficult ordeal fertility tests and procedures are. But Scott was a good sport. What a guy! Yes, Scott, I will watch football with you! :) Because you rock!

3-year-old recites poem, "Litany" by Billy Collins

Introducing...

Drum roll please... dadadadadadadadadada
my new art blogspot! www.juliedoesart.blogspot.com

This is ultra daring for me. I put some of my collages on this website and I would love for my friends to see it and tell me what they think. I don't really know where I'm going with it or why I'm doing it but I did it and there it is.


I hope you like it!

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Here's my little indian--Kate got a little carried away with my lipstick

Here's me at 2-years-old

A Fort, I Think

What a crack up this kid is!

I found this amidst some pictures from August and it gave me a chuckle.

From what I gathered from her explanation of this mess, Kate was trying to build a fort. I helped her cover the drawers with a blanket for a while before she helped sort the clothes and put them back in the dresser. I really had no idea she was strong enough to move these drawers out of the dresser and manipulate them like she did. Impressive!
I don't give her enough credit for her strength.

Oh, and Kate is cleverly sporting a peach, ballet leotard.