It's Out. Isn't It?

Blogging is out of vogue and it makes me sad. I feel a little stuck. I have so much I would love to say but I feel like, "What's the point?" Then sometimes I think I will just blog on, even though my circle of blog friends have quit. So I think about what I would blog about and it is all rather blue or gray. I don't want to be blue and gray. That's just lame. So then I do nothing. But doing nothing puts me in a different kind of fog. A "I have stuff to say that I'm not saying - fog." So here I am. Stuck. Trapped.

And maybe that is all I will say today.

And maybe that is all I will say again ever.

And maybe it really doesn't matter.

Random

I voted early. Loved that. I am excited to see how the election shakes out. I am really into it this year, watching the updates at night with Scott and talking politics with strangers. Fun stuff.

Kate received a Halloween Search and Find book from a neighbor and everyday we do a new one together at breakfast. Super-fun for us to enjoy that time together. Whatever we can do to slow down a little and carve out joy.

It's a beautiful day outside today. Kate has the day off school so we've really enjoyed just chilling. We went for a walk and talked about cool stuff like all the many colors of leaves.

We refinanced our house - 3.5% - Wahoo! We are going on vacation in December with the money we are saving this month without a house payment and the refund check we get from the escrow account. Scott lives for vacations. I am getting excited about it also. I'm especially glad that he wants to spend our money investing in our family. We are just a little family so we can up and go and do this kind of stuff without as much expense as bigger families. We really have to take advantage of this and enjoy every moment we have together.

I am enjoying reading the House of Earth by Pearl S. Buck. I highly recommend it. The book is a trilogy with The Good Earth, Sons of Wang, and A House Divided. Pick it up and enjoy it with me! Best read ever!

And that is my randomness for today. I also want to say that I love the time change. I always tell myself that I will get extra sleep with the extra hour and I never do but this year, I really did. And it was awesome.

It's War and It's ON

Sometimes life feels like a battle to me. Like a war I fight with myself, always fighting. I fight to stay healthy and thin. I fight to keep myself strong in the gospel and firm on that narrow path. I fight to be happy and choose the positive side. I fight to be a better wife and mom than I was the day before. I fight to be careful with what I say to people around me - trying desperately to be more caring, more generous with others. It's war and it's ON.

Occasionally, when the fighting gets especially challenging and I feel like I'm losing ground - like victory is far and fleeting, I wonder if I fight too hard. Is all this really supposed to take this much work? Is it supposed to be a struggle? I wonder what would happen if I relaxed a bit. Would it all fall apart and would I be left on a slow road to complacency and regret? I don't know if I want to know what would happen if I let go of the fight.

I think I like to wage war and be brave and courageous every day. I think I like to push myself harder, forcing myself to improve incrementally. Some days the other side has won. Some days it's a draw. But each day the fight begins anew. Still I fight. My dukes are up. I'm ready to trudge, and to strive, and someday, in the end, win the war.

Who's with me?

Click HERE: LiveLeak.com - Put Up Your Dukes

Rocky & Bullwinkle at the Cabin

 We always have good times at Scott's family's cabin. Most recently, we invited some couples from our neighborhood to come for a barbeque. While we were hanging out, we had 5 surprise visitors.

We had two bull moose, two calves, and a cow moose come into the tub for a drink. Scott's Dad put the tub in many years ago to draw the animals in so cabin visitors could enjoy a closer view of the native wildlife. He later added a recirculating pump with rocks to create a nice "babbling brook".

 His work has provided us with many opportunities to view moose and deer at incredibly close range.

These guys hung around for several hours.

As always, many thanks to Gary and Kathy. What a fun opportunity this was for all and what a beautiful evening and delicious barbeque we all enjoyed.

My First Grader

 This school year is different from last.

This year, everything is about "outfits", shoes, "fashion" and Kate's sense of "style" - and Kate uses those words. 

Kate knows exactly how she wants her hair done and the whole thing is driven by her. She would never dream of leaving the house without every hair in place and a layer of lip gloss slathered over her lips.

 This year she has FIVE pairs of shoes: 

purple ballet flats, blue "indian-esque" sandals, Nike sneakers, COWGIRL boots!, and pink snow boots.

 Kate quickly founds some friends from the neighborhood: Sarah Young, Kate Bailey, Kate, Becca Bailey {sweet Becca is the youngest in her family and she just walked down with her siblings to be part of their first day. Her mom came down to pick her up before school started, she's adorable, right?}

This year, Kate is at school more. 

She has three recesses instead of one and she brings a lunch, which consists of snack foods for now. Since Kate is allergic to peanuts, she doesn't go for traditional fair and hasn't learned to appreciate a good meat sandwich yet either. So far we pack a yogurt, something salty like corn chips, pretzels, or goldfish; something sweet like cereal and fruit snacks; and a treat. Not the healthiest lunch but I'm not under any illusions that she will actually eat vegetables or fruits without me hovering over her. They will probably end up in the trash.

Kate and a neighbor, Kaelie Knox. {I need to get a better look at Kate with her classmates. I'm not sure if Kate is really this gigantor or if Kaelie is just short.}

This year, Kate is brave. {and we haven't seen that movie yet}

But it helps that she has built-in friends from the neighborhood and last year's kindergarten class. When we got into class in the morning of the first day, I helped her find her hook to hang up her backpack, find her seat, put on her name necklace, and say "Hi" to her new teacher. After that, I watched her greet each of her familiar classmates  as they walked in. She showed them where to put their backpacks, helped them find their desks, and put on their name necklaces. After a few minutes of seeing lots of familiar faces and helping them, she went to her teacher with enthusiasm and exclaimed, "I know everybody here!" And she pointed out all the children that she already knew.

Kate and I are so excited for all this new stuff and all that this year has to offer both of us. Kate has already told me THREE times, "Mom you are being SO NICE this school year." I'm thinking, how bad was I before? AND This poor girl. AND I'm so glad she "thinks" I'm being nice. AND I love how she talks about "this school year" like it's been considerable when it's really only been a few days.

Labor Day at Silver Lake

Sam & Kate.

 Cousins.

 Us.

 Silver Lake.

 Daddy. Daughter.

 A "Cow-a-pitter".
We also saw a woodpecker, small bull moose, chipmunk, and some other kind of round rodent that made a bird-like noise.

 Sam had this bright idea...

 It left a mess of sliver-like, itchy, prickly hairs on her lip. All the rubbing and scrubbing with my sock and she still had to remove some with tweezers when she returned home. As I was trying to extract these itchy little things she laughed and said, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

 Kate.

 Snack time.

Nap time.

What a beautiful place. This was our second time coming to the lake. The first time we just walked around the lake. This time, we added the 2-mile hike up to the upper reservoir.  When I say "up" I mean it was an intense incline. I was worried for a moment that Sam wouldn't make it. At the top of the hill, half-way through the hike, she informed me that she hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day! When we returned to the truck, we promptly filled her with food and then followed that with frozen custard from Nielsen's. Our plan to get a chocolate malt from Nielsen's Frozen Custard was what Kept Kate going for sure.

And now, we say goodbye to Summer. Thank you for the fun.

Cabin Time

 We spent Thursday through Monday last week at Scott's family's cabin. We had a great time. We saw plenty of elk, moose, and deer. We saw some trophy bull elk and bull moose in groups. We saw lots of "mama deers" with fawn. We were able to share the adventure with some of my family. I only took pictures once the whole trip up and that was when Chris, Michelle, and their kiddos were there. Jeni and Sam came for part of the time as well as my parents, who stayed two nights at a Marriot in Park City and came to hang with us during the days. They were nice enough to share their Marriot pool with us one afternoon.

Sam took these first three pictures for me.

Taylor, James, and Chris.

 Kate, Brooke, and Presley (holding Chi-Chi)

 Kate, Brooke, and Presley again

 Michelle, Marisa, and Chris

 Kate, Presley, Taylor

 Brooke, and Scott

 Me, Brooke, Kate, Presley, Taylor

Kate, Presley, Taylor

And then they begged me to stop taking photos.

We are always so grateful to Scott's family for sharing this refuge with us. Scott's mom keeps the place stocked with anything a person could want and it is such a great place to get away from everything. I put on my nano and used the pedometer for a run everyday. I logged a lot of miles and it was fun to run outside for a change. I also enjoyed challenging myself with all the hills. We ate food fresh off the grill. We went for rides on the 4-wheeler several times a day. And we stopped in Park City on the way home for our traditional dinner at Ruby Tuesdays and even snagged some school shoes for Kate at the outlets.

As School Approaches

One of my favorite seasons of all is "back to school". I love the fresh school supplies, new shoes, crisp books, and routine. I miss going to school myself. I miss college. I loved school. I might even go back someday, maybe soon? Graduate program... That could be fun. Who knows? Right now I am excited for Kate to start first grade and be a big-time school girl. I am excited to have some time to myself to pursue whatever I want. A lot of moms are asking me what I'm planning to do with all my new-found free time. First off, I am not naive about the "all day" school thing. I know it goes by in a blink and that I really won't get as much done as I think. I usually tell those moms that I plan to do "a whole lot of nothing." And that is not entirely true. What I should say to other moms when they ask is straight from Napoleon Dynamite, "Whatever I feel like I wanna do, Gosh!"

But I do have a rough idea of what I might do with my time. But I don't want to set anything in stone. I just want to enjoy myself. I see myself exercising in the morning, working on art projects, finishing Kate's baby book, organizing family photos, working on a few blurb books, reading more classics (I'm LOVING Pearl S. Buck's trilogy House of Earth, by the way {LOVING is such an understatement}), organizing my office, painting the living room, painting the kitchen, painting every room in the house, cleaning out the garage, and volunteering a little at the school. I'm sure I will come up with more to do. Or maybe I will get all of that done in the first month and be bored. Who knows. But that is my plan. Maybe I will even get all benevolent and do some family history, indexing, or temple service.

In some ways I feel selfish about this time. The adoption idea comes up in my mind... "Julie, you have time now... you could pursue foster care or adoption." But I keep saying, I just want to inhale and exhale a little for a while. You know, catch a breather. Breath a lot. Relax, chill, breath some more. Some days I might put my feet up, watch movies, eat s'mores. And I really might do that. And I might do it just because I can. Of course I will make sure the house is in good shape before hand so the hubby doesn't come home and tell me I have to get a job or something. I will bake a little so he comes home to a warm, aromatic home and doesn't think my time is utterly wasted. But I plan to enjoy Kate in the first grade. Next year, I might get serious about something but I have plenty of time to be serious, next year.

P.S. These days, I am regularly thanking God that I have this unique family situation. It's kind of a treat. I don't want to say it out loud too much because I don't want all the other moms with all their "blessings" to get jealous but it really is pretty cool, just between you and me that is.

Park City

 We celebrated our anniversary in Park City. We stayed at the Marriot Mountain Resort and it was a relaxing two days.  I am still dreaming about the southwest breakfast burrito I had for breakfast that morning. We had a wonderful time, great food, and we even enjoyed the Arts Festival, free of charge. We got there early, before they blocked off the streets to eat an early dinner. We were able to enjoy all the booths and some lively street music. I appreciate my sister-in-law for watching Kate! That little girl had the time of her life playing and swimming with one of her same-age cousins. 

Here we are going up the lift to ride the alpine slide. I am grateful I had the insight to ride separately down the slide. I had a feeling he wanted to go fast and redeem himself from his last run on the slide when he got stuck behind some slow-pokes. When we got to the top, Scott asked the operator which of the four slides was the fastest. I made it down first because he waited in a longer line.

 He made it. As he got up, he casually told me that he had fallen off of the cart and slid with his body down the slide a short distance. I got a look at his injuries and the first and second layers of skin were ripped clean off and were rolled up all dead and nasty. The wounds were white and raw. I insisted that we get some first aid action immediately. He resisted as he traditionally does. We handed our carts to the operator and I mentioned the wound and he recommended we head to the EMT station.

Kyle was our EMT. He mummied Scott up real nice. We were all laughing and having fun but the sad part is, we were planning to squeeze in some more swimming after riding the slide and the rollar coaster but those plans were now dashed to pieces. We still sun bathed by the pool while reading books, Scott under the shade of a pool umbrella and I in the sun. We really had an incredibly, wonderful time.

Scott's wounds on his shoulder, elbow, and in three places on his leg were considerable and he is suffering more than he admits. I bandage him up twice a day with giant band aids and ace bandages. Today he remarked how impressed he is that I keep such large band aids in stock and where I go about finding such things. I let him know that these are the types of things I keep on hand being married to him because 'Scotty doesn't do small owies.'

12-Year Anniversary

Scott and I are celebrating our 12-year anniversary today! I keep reminiscing about our wedding, too.

The day started with three dozen roses (red, white, and the most exquisite color of purple I'd ever seen) delivered to my house. The card read: "Just a glimpse of the rest of our lives together." No doubt a line from the floral shop lady but it melted my heart all the same. I still think it's funny that I was the first one at the temple with my parents, waiting for Scott to show up. The way I remember it, he was even a little late. Funny because I was the one notoriously late to things. After getting the appropriate papers signed, we were ushered into the Celestial room to steal a few moments alone. How starry-eyed we must have been. After a few minutes, a matron quietly beckoned us to come to the marriage sealing room and as we stood up and took that first step from the loveseat, Scott accidentally stepped on the hem of my wedding dress and snapped out the bustle-button with an accompanying loud ripping noise in the ultra-quiet room. You can imagine the gasp that escaped my mouth. {I appreciate why temple presidencies now recommend women wear simple temple dresses for marriage sealing ceremonies.} We didn't know as we waited in the Celestial room that our Temple Sealer had been waiting in the Celestial room of the wrong temple and was desperately rushing along the freeway to make it in time to preform our sealing. He made it. We didn't even notice a delay. Time had stood still for us as we soaked in the moments. And I still tease Scott that even though I was the one notoriously emotional, crying at the Hallmark greeting card commercials, he was the one shedding tears at the altar. I remember feeling at complete peace. I'm sure he was crying because he was actually paying close attention to the ceremony when I was probably too busy trying to look pretty. Ahh, how young we were.

I could go on and on about that day. Maybe I will later. I will for sure continue to reminisce with Scott. But right now, it is time to celebrate. Scott has the day off and we still building the memories. 

June 15th Cabin Time

Since Scott's parents have mentioned that they might sell the cabin, Scott has spent every chance he can up there. We spent a weekend together in June. Then Scott took Kate up just for the day, two Saturdays in a row, while I finished up some home projects and some art I was trying to finish. He is home at the cabin. Kate is too.

  Kate and Scott on a 4-wheeler ride. They put on a lot of miles this time. Kate knows where the trails lead too. Scott would get far from the cabin and when it was time to head back, he would have her lead him to the cabin and she knew right where to go.

This was an intensely relaxing weekend for me being at the cabin with these two. I woke up and went for a hike, we had breakfast together, went for a ride, watched a movie, had lunch, went for a ride, watched another movie, went for another ride, had dinner... We had some serious fun.

June 16 Scott's Toy

 Scott loves to get toys for his birthday. He is so into play and is a kid at heart. This year we went to a cool hobby shop together and Scott picked out an RC Truck. He loves it. He plays with it all the time. When friends and family come over or when we go to our parents' houses for dinner, he brings it out and all the kids and men go play with it. Such a kick.

I still have not ventured to try it. I guess it just freaks me out. The thing goes so fast, I think it is too fast for my inept reflexes. I might try it. Usually when he plays with it I have to turn away because he runs it in the street and I just know some car is going to drive along and crush it. So far, so good. I'm just glad Scott enjoys it. Playing with the truck gives him a chance to unwind after work and that is worth it.

June 5th Gymnastics Show

From January through July Kate has taken gymnastics. She enjoyed it for a while but then started to wane in her excitement. I had to push her to go. Once she got there she was usually glad she went. She complained that her teachers were mean - I watched and felt like what she was seeing as mean was just rigid structure, discipline that is typical of any sport instruction. Some teachers were more playful but I think Kate just doesn't like the structured side of it. I insisted that she at least finish things out until the show and then she could quit. She was so embarrassed at the show.

 Here is Kate at Flip's where all the classes are warming up together in preparation for the show. Kate is in the middle just above the teacher's head.

 Kate gained a lot of skills in her short time at Flip's. The Bridge is one thing she couldn't do before she came.

 Kate was so embarrassed. She wouldn't let me take a picture. Here she shook her head and turned away from the camera.

I can see how embarrassed Kate is here too. Poor girl. She reminds me so much of me at that age, in ballet. I hated the recital part of it. I just wanted to dance and have fun. I think I thought my teachers were mean too. I loved when my ballet teacher gave us free dance time at the end of class with the ribbon-wand thing. I quit ballet after a short time. I've struggled to know what to do to help Kate overcome this fear of performing. Should I push her through and make her keep doing it? Should I just accept that she is just like me? Should I wait a while and give her another try? Hard to know. I pulled her out of gymnastics for now. I think we will try something new like Jazz dance or piano lessons once the school starts again.  

May 7th & 30th Zoo Field Trip and Graduation

I was a parent volunteer in Kate's kindergarten class all year. I volunteered every Monday and I was crazy-proud of myself for making it the whole year and never missing a day - I was accidentally brilliant for choosing Monday because a lot of the school holidays fall on Mondays so I didn't have to work quite as hard as some of the other parent volunteers.

 Here are some of Kate's class mates on the Rhino at Hogle Zoo. I was glad I went along with Kate and her class to the Zoo. I worried that it would be a crazy-stressful experience going to the zoo with a bunch of kindergarteners but it ended up being quite pleasant.

 Kate with some of her class at graduation.

 Kate with Deacon and Nautica doing the actions to one of their songs.

 Kate with Mrs. Juarez. We had a wonderful Kindergarten experience and I know that was in large part to the skills of Kate's teacher. She made school the perfect amount of fun and structure. Kate never had a day that she didn't want to go to school the whole year. She loved it.

 Kate with Paula, the foreign-exchange-student volunteer, and Nautica. Paula is a 16-year-old from Guatemala. While she waited for all the details to get worked out in order for her to attend school here, she volunteered in Kate's class. She volunteered a large part of the school year and was able to polish up her English. The kids fell in love with her.

My mom and dad and Scott's mom were able to come and watch Kate graduate. I think Gary had just had surgery and wasn't able to attend. I love Kate's cheesy grin. This look says, "I'm crazy-excited that my Grandparents are here to see my fun life at kindergarten. My heart is bursting with joy and it is spilling out all over."