Swollen Glands and a CT Scan

A couple of my glands have been swollen for most of 2012. Then in November, I noticed several of the nodes in my neck swelling and staying that way. After fretting over it for several months, I finally decided to call and schedule an appointment with an ENT. With a month to wait before the appointment, I started second-guessing myself. "Do I really need to see a specialist?" I thought about the $50 copay and felt even more stupid for calling in a specialist. I worried he would just laugh at me and tell me it was no big deal, take my money, and send me out the door.

Despite my fears of being ridiculed, to the ENT I went today. To my surprise, he seemed concerned. When he started examining my neck and feeling all the swollen glands and nodes he said, "Yes, they are rather large." And then he had his assistant schedule a CT scan for this Friday.

He said once he looks at the scan, he will know whether he will then go forward with a biopsy.
Weird stuff, right?

It's Out. Isn't It?

Blogging is out of vogue and it makes me sad. I feel a little stuck. I have so much I would love to say but I feel like, "What's the point?" Then sometimes I think I will just blog on, even though my circle of blog friends have quit. So I think about what I would blog about and it is all rather blue or gray. I don't want to be blue and gray. That's just lame. So then I do nothing. But doing nothing puts me in a different kind of fog. A "I have stuff to say that I'm not saying - fog." So here I am. Stuck. Trapped.

And maybe that is all I will say today.

And maybe that is all I will say again ever.

And maybe it really doesn't matter.

Random

I voted early. Loved that. I am excited to see how the election shakes out. I am really into it this year, watching the updates at night with Scott and talking politics with strangers. Fun stuff.

Kate received a Halloween Search and Find book from a neighbor and everyday we do a new one together at breakfast. Super-fun for us to enjoy that time together. Whatever we can do to slow down a little and carve out joy.

It's a beautiful day outside today. Kate has the day off school so we've really enjoyed just chilling. We went for a walk and talked about cool stuff like all the many colors of leaves.

We refinanced our house - 3.5% - Wahoo! We are going on vacation in December with the money we are saving this month without a house payment and the refund check we get from the escrow account. Scott lives for vacations. I am getting excited about it also. I'm especially glad that he wants to spend our money investing in our family. We are just a little family so we can up and go and do this kind of stuff without as much expense as bigger families. We really have to take advantage of this and enjoy every moment we have together.

I am enjoying reading the House of Earth by Pearl S. Buck. I highly recommend it. The book is a trilogy with The Good Earth, Sons of Wang, and A House Divided. Pick it up and enjoy it with me! Best read ever!

And that is my randomness for today. I also want to say that I love the time change. I always tell myself that I will get extra sleep with the extra hour and I never do but this year, I really did. And it was awesome.

It's War and It's ON

Sometimes life feels like a battle to me. Like a war I fight with myself, always fighting. I fight to stay healthy and thin. I fight to keep myself strong in the gospel and firm on that narrow path. I fight to be happy and choose the positive side. I fight to be a better wife and mom than I was the day before. I fight to be careful with what I say to people around me - trying desperately to be more caring, more generous with others. It's war and it's ON.

Occasionally, when the fighting gets especially challenging and I feel like I'm losing ground - like victory is far and fleeting, I wonder if I fight too hard. Is all this really supposed to take this much work? Is it supposed to be a struggle? I wonder what would happen if I relaxed a bit. Would it all fall apart and would I be left on a slow road to complacency and regret? I don't know if I want to know what would happen if I let go of the fight.

I think I like to wage war and be brave and courageous every day. I think I like to push myself harder, forcing myself to improve incrementally. Some days the other side has won. Some days it's a draw. But each day the fight begins anew. Still I fight. My dukes are up. I'm ready to trudge, and to strive, and someday, in the end, win the war.

Who's with me?

Click HERE: LiveLeak.com - Put Up Your Dukes

Rocky & Bullwinkle at the Cabin

 We always have good times at Scott's family's cabin. Most recently, we invited some couples from our neighborhood to come for a barbeque. While we were hanging out, we had 5 surprise visitors.

We had two bull moose, two calves, and a cow moose come into the tub for a drink. Scott's Dad put the tub in many years ago to draw the animals in so cabin visitors could enjoy a closer view of the native wildlife. He later added a recirculating pump with rocks to create a nice "babbling brook".

 His work has provided us with many opportunities to view moose and deer at incredibly close range.

These guys hung around for several hours.

As always, many thanks to Gary and Kathy. What a fun opportunity this was for all and what a beautiful evening and delicious barbeque we all enjoyed.

My First Grader

 This school year is different from last.

This year, everything is about "outfits", shoes, "fashion" and Kate's sense of "style" - and Kate uses those words. 

Kate knows exactly how she wants her hair done and the whole thing is driven by her. She would never dream of leaving the house without every hair in place and a layer of lip gloss slathered over her lips.

 This year she has FIVE pairs of shoes: 

purple ballet flats, blue "indian-esque" sandals, Nike sneakers, COWGIRL boots!, and pink snow boots.

 Kate quickly founds some friends from the neighborhood: Sarah Young, Kate Bailey, Kate, Becca Bailey {sweet Becca is the youngest in her family and she just walked down with her siblings to be part of their first day. Her mom came down to pick her up before school started, she's adorable, right?}

This year, Kate is at school more. 

She has three recesses instead of one and she brings a lunch, which consists of snack foods for now. Since Kate is allergic to peanuts, she doesn't go for traditional fair and hasn't learned to appreciate a good meat sandwich yet either. So far we pack a yogurt, something salty like corn chips, pretzels, or goldfish; something sweet like cereal and fruit snacks; and a treat. Not the healthiest lunch but I'm not under any illusions that she will actually eat vegetables or fruits without me hovering over her. They will probably end up in the trash.

Kate and a neighbor, Kaelie Knox. {I need to get a better look at Kate with her classmates. I'm not sure if Kate is really this gigantor or if Kaelie is just short.}

This year, Kate is brave. {and we haven't seen that movie yet}

But it helps that she has built-in friends from the neighborhood and last year's kindergarten class. When we got into class in the morning of the first day, I helped her find her hook to hang up her backpack, find her seat, put on her name necklace, and say "Hi" to her new teacher. After that, I watched her greet each of her familiar classmates  as they walked in. She showed them where to put their backpacks, helped them find their desks, and put on their name necklaces. After a few minutes of seeing lots of familiar faces and helping them, she went to her teacher with enthusiasm and exclaimed, "I know everybody here!" And she pointed out all the children that she already knew.

Kate and I are so excited for all this new stuff and all that this year has to offer both of us. Kate has already told me THREE times, "Mom you are being SO NICE this school year." I'm thinking, how bad was I before? AND This poor girl. AND I'm so glad she "thinks" I'm being nice. AND I love how she talks about "this school year" like it's been considerable when it's really only been a few days.

Labor Day at Silver Lake

Sam & Kate.

 Cousins.

 Us.

 Silver Lake.

 Daddy. Daughter.

 A "Cow-a-pitter".
We also saw a woodpecker, small bull moose, chipmunk, and some other kind of round rodent that made a bird-like noise.

 Sam had this bright idea...

 It left a mess of sliver-like, itchy, prickly hairs on her lip. All the rubbing and scrubbing with my sock and she still had to remove some with tweezers when she returned home. As I was trying to extract these itchy little things she laughed and said, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

 Kate.

 Snack time.

Nap time.

What a beautiful place. This was our second time coming to the lake. The first time we just walked around the lake. This time, we added the 2-mile hike up to the upper reservoir.  When I say "up" I mean it was an intense incline. I was worried for a moment that Sam wouldn't make it. At the top of the hill, half-way through the hike, she informed me that she hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day! When we returned to the truck, we promptly filled her with food and then followed that with frozen custard from Nielsen's. Our plan to get a chocolate malt from Nielsen's Frozen Custard was what Kept Kate going for sure.

And now, we say goodbye to Summer. Thank you for the fun.