Grandma Mayfield

Nathan Greenleaf (my cousin), Cameron Halversen (Jeni's husband), Nate Bell (Jill's husband), 

Rob Mayfield (my half-cousin), Chris Mayfield (my brother), Scott Bangerter (my extremely handsome husband)

It's been a year since Scott's Grandma and my Grandma died within the same week. I found this picture on my cousin's Facebook. I can think of nothing more solemn than a group of great men, standing tall, as pallbearers.

Dear Grandma Mayfield,

I'm surprised at how often I have thought of you since you've been gone. I didn't realize you would be in my thoughts this much. I think having so many of your things around me as reminders of you help me remember you. I think of you every time I turn the lights on or off the hutch, every time I shine the silver platter that's now a focal point in my kitchen, every time I set the timer for ten more minutes of sleep. I think of you when we sing songs at family night from your Children's Songbook, and every time Kate and I discover other countries and planets in your large world atlas.

I hope you are proud of my Dad, your son. I hope you see clearer now more than ever what a terrific son he was and is. With all the work before and after you died and all the pieces to put back together it was my dad, mom, and siblings who did it all. I hope even with all your favoritism to your youngest son and his family that you realize who truly loved and cared for you through it all. 

And about the Grandfather of mine that you erased from our lives, the one who died when your little ones were just 2-years-old and 6 months-old, the one who died from the effects of his years in a concentration camp during World War II, the one you quickly replaced, then erased, about him, I'm still sad. I'm sad that you never shared him with us, that you hid him from his children and grandchildren. I realize that you were all alone with the work of raising two children on your plate. I realize that you weren't married to my Grandpa very long. I realize you were very young when you married him and very young when you began having children, and that you never really had a mother of your own to guide you through the ups and downs of life, and so I forgive you. I know that you were doing the best that you knew how to do.

I do love you, even with the little appreciation you showed my parents for all the sacrifices they made for you and even though you erased my Grandfather, I do love you. You are my Grandmother. God be with you till we meet again.

Sincerely, Julie