My feelings are all over the place and I haven't settled on how I really feel about the whole thing. Because my sisters also only have one child, they were less than sympathetic about my recent bad news. In fact, now that I've joined their club, I think it brings them comfort. And being part of their club helps me not feel so sorry for myself.
I am astounded at what a miracle Kate is! We knew the moment we found out we were pregnant that it was a miracle but now our miracle is confirmed anew. I can never enough express my gratitude for the blessing and gift it was to be pregnant and feel all that's associated with pregnancy. In the back of my mind I told myself everyday to enjoy every minute of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and every moment of that little girl's life because I knew it was possible that it would be my only chance.
My heart pains for those who will never in this life have biological children. I don't know how they cope. Right now I don't really want to consider adoption, even though that is a good idea for most people in our situation. I will give it serious thought and prayer but it just doesn't seem right, yet. I can't even imagine going through that roller coaster. We'll see.
A surgery is an option for us but it is only a 50/50 chance of correcting the problem and it has a lot of drawbacks to it. We are still unsure whether that is an option for us.
11 comments:
You are right, being able to have babies is such a miracle and a blessing. Hang in there Julie, you'll make it through this.
I'm sorry Julie! That's so hard... I'm so glad you have such a darling girl! Hopefully another option will open up for you in the future! Adoption is hard, but so wonderful, too! We've had several friend adopt. Good luck with everything!
Is your blog still private? It finally showed up on my list, so I knew you'd updated it. I forget to comment when blogs go private.
Any who- I just want you to know that I remember you saying how much you tried to enjoy every minute while you were pregnant & with little kate. I remember you were still so happy to be pregnant even though you had to run to the bathroom without much notice:), like us all when we're pregnant. I really took that to heart & have tried to do the same...so thanks for that. It does make life so much better when you realize what a blessing it is to be pregnant & have kids.
You're such a wonderful mom. I've watched you take care of katie, and I really have a lot of admiration for you. I hope that something works out soon.
Oh and that pic. of you & baby kate is so precious.
I'm sorry, Julie. I don't know if "knowing" what's wrong brings any level of comfort, but I hope it does. Thanks for the reminder about how precious our little ones are. You are an amazing person and strong, and I know that somehow, someway you will find the answer for you and Scott.
Sorry to sound so unsympathetic but really when this is the life God chose for us it is best to just find the joy in what we have. The only child club is not all that bad and I think that thus far James and Samantha have a very healthy coping skill. They are each others siblings and have determined to be each others children's aunt and uncle. I think it is great that they have each other. They are part of the club too. Kate wont have to be alone- she has two cousins who understand her plight.
I am so very sad with you...what an extremely hard thing to understand and cope with. I have no idea how you must be feeling but my limited imagination tells me that it probably really sucks!!! *wink* The people most deserving of another child (you) are deprived of it, it's really hard to understand the universe...I hope your heart heals quickly!
And of course, mom sees wonderful little children every day whose parents have failed to understand the miracle that they are. These wonderful children deserve parents who adore them and respond to their needs. All children deserve a chance. Too many children are hurt every day by parents who put their own needs first. After working with these situations and seeing what foster parents do I am convinced that foster parents go through Heaven's gate first. They are true saints. You have done an amazing job with Kate. You have the skill to heal one of my little kids who has been cast aside. Only you can decide what your life's work should be. And of course, there is the book you could write.
Hey Julie! I know exactly how you feel! We were in the same position four years ago. When my husband mentioned adoption, I said forget it! However, Heavenly father changed my mind about a year later. It wasn't an easy road to go down, but it was the right one for us at that time. The road still took two years, but so worth it! I hope you find peace in whatever you and Scott decide for your family. Just know I am thinking about you!
Babies are miracles! It was so hard when we couldn't get pregnant. I remember having so many feelings; sadness, anger, bitterness, confusion, jealousy... Lets just say I wasn't happy, and I hate when I hear others are going through something similar. I am so glad you were blessed with cute little Kate and I am always motivated to be a better mom when I read your blog. I need lessons from you!
Well, at least now you know. And to use the GI Joe saying (sorry that's what you get w/ growing up w all boys:) "and knowing is half the battle."
But honestly, it's good to finally have answers and to know what you're up against. It makes it easier to deal with regardless of the outcome of your situation. No more guessing, hoping, and not knowing.
I agree with you in that if I were in your same boat, I would run the gammut of fertilization procedures before going adoption, simply because I would want to have a biological child (this in no way detracts from the wonderful thing that adoption is and can be for families that can't have children).
But, the challenge is, of course, is the uncertainty of the outcome and quite honestly - the money. It's expensive, I know. But, you may even consider temporarily getting a job w/ a company who provides reproductive benefits (like Walgreens). At least they would pay something like 40%.
I think it's definitely a matter of prayer, and a gut feeling that tells you what you need (or should try) to do. You'll know what's right for your fam.
If I were in your shoes, I would consider your options, make a decision, pray about it, and move forward.
I'm sure there is a peace that comes with knowing what you have been given (Kate), now that you know what you're up against.
Now, go do something nice for yourself like get a pedicure!
Hang in there!! I know what a roller coaster it has been/will be but you are in my thoughts and prayers!!
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