MOM! -

Kate called me Mom yesterday. YUCK! Why does that bug me? Well, for starters that's what I call my mom and I'm OLD! Mom is for maternal figures whose children are too old to call them "Mommy" or "Momma".

She said it and then she looked up at me startled at herself that she had used that word for me. She grinned mischievously and then said in her sheepish way, "I called you Mom!" with more smiles and snickers to follow.

I tried not to look too shocked and even acted like it was no big deal but it was SO WEIRD! It's like the day I told someone, "My daughter..." daughter, gasp. Daughters are old. Don't you agree? Kate's always been my baby girl. More recently, I've allowed her to be my little girl but pretty soon she will be a full blown daughter.

She even teased Scott later that he was her Dad. I could tell that made him cringe too.

During lunch, yesterday, Scott was noticing Kate's responses seemed so grown up. She said something like, "Remember just a week ago when..." and he remarked how unbelievable this whole parenting process is, watching your little baby just shoot right up into a big kid is unreal! I can't believe how far we've come and we can never go back to those days when I was her Ma-Ma and she was my baby.


And yet, I'm not horribly sad about it. I'm so amazed that each new day brings something beautiful and new. I love Kate's nearly-five-year-old self. I love it to pieces. She is so much more cuddly now than she ever was as a baby. She still sits close to me and reads book after book with me but she has added drawing and coloring and helping with chores and all sorts of new, wonderful things.

According to Kate...

On Wednesday, I bought Kate a new sweater dress. When we came home she tried it on. As she walked from her room to the kitchen, I could hear her exclaim with enthusiasm, "Mommy, nook (look). I nook (look) like the 80's!" She stood right in front of me, grinning, hands on her hips, and her center of gravity shifted to the right.

Remarkably, looking like the 80's was a positive thing for her. And even more remarkable, she was right, she did look like the 80's. Kate's monthly outing at various clothing stores with Jeni and Sam has really rubbed off on her.

On Thursday, in the truck, Kate and I were talking about Lincoln and Washington. From the flag she decorated in preschool, I could tell this was the topic of her preschool class that day. Kate was asking questions about Lincoln and I told her he was an early President of our Country and that he was often called "Honest Abe" and that his real name was Abraham Lincoln. 

With the mention of his name Kate said, .

Kate: "You mean the guy on the MONEY?"

Me: Yes, you're right. He is on the money.

Kate: Why is he on the money?

I rattled something off to her and then she told me that he died in the "Woe". I had to ask her again and she said it again, "Woe". 

Me: Oh, the war?

Kate: Yes, the woe (clearly exhausted by her mother's stupidity).

Me: Well Kate, I thought he died in a theater. See, he was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth. 

Kate: No, he died in the woe.

Me: I don't know, Kate. I'm pretty sure he died in the theater.

Kate: Mommy, If you wah (were)  me, you would know. If you wah (were) in pweschool, you would know that he was keelled (killed) in the woe. You have to be at shawing (sharing) time and then you will see that he was keelled (killed) in the woe, not the theat-ah (theatre).

Me: Okay. We'll have to look that one up.

Later, I was talking to her Preschool teacher about it when I was visiting one of her daughters and she said that the book they read as a class mentioned that it was at the end of the war that Lincoln died. She thought maybe that was where Kate got herself confused.

Valentine's Day Reform

 Kate with a giant Hershey Kiss from Aunt Jeni

 I have long believed that Valentine's Day was lame and I didn't love the expectations of it. I always complained that I wanted everyday to be loved and treated special, not just once a year.  Because of this, Scott and I never made a fuss about it. We gave each other cards and went to dinner. Sometimes I would bake him his favorite treat and occasionally he bought me a small floral arrangement with three roses or something.

A few days before the big day this year, Scott said as we were driving, "Now, we aren't making a big deal of Valentine's right? I mean, we aren't spending much and all, right? I just don't have any time to buy anything."

Well, I fussed about that. I whined that he could do SOMETHING. He didn't have to fully give up the ceremony of it just because he hadn't planned in advance. I told him he could give me a coupon for something. A card that says, "This is good for one... (date night, pedicure, massage, etc.). He got the picture and that was the end of that.

I don't know what got into me this year but I really wanted to be treated special.

This particular year, I actually went to the city (which I NEVER do) and bought Scott a remote controlled helicopter. His second one. That way he could play with one while he charged the other. :) I know, silly, but I knew he wanted it but was afraid to ask for something that he knew I thought was frivolous. Kate was my partner in the scheme and she promised to keep it a secret. She near told him several times but held to her promise.

She requested that we wake her up early on Valentine's so she could watch Daddy open our present. She never even asked what I was going to give her, she was so focused on giving Scott his present from us.

Scott loved it and he gave me a box of Mindy Mints and a fabulous card with all his own words in it (I hate those cards when it has a lovely Hallmark message and the person just signs it, lame), and a 50 dollar bill with instruction that I could splurge on a spa treatment or something wonderful for me. We gave Kate a Princess Bedtime Stories book, lip gloss, and a light-up pen. Scott came home for lunch and made Kate and I pancakes, sausages, and eggs and let me know that we were going to dinner as a family so I didn't have to cook. Then around 4:30 pm, I came home from cleaning my mom's house and found a delivery box filled with a dozen red roses with a cute message on it from Scott.

Scott really surprised me with this. I don't know if I am fully denouncing my former opinions but I'm for sure rethinking them a little. My Valentine's day was wonderful and I felt cherished and I loved it! I am treated wonderful all year long but Valentine's day was now a punctuation point.

I loved eating a dinner, that I didn't have to cook, together as a family. I loved Kate calling the Roses a "family" gift because we can all enjoy them. I loved seeing Scott make efforts to pamper me and show his love in a visible way. He's never been the romantic type. He seems so often like he isn't listening at all to my endless chatter. But clearly, I don't give him enough credit.

I loved most watching Kate see all the love and giving that went on throughout the day. I realized that showing love in the big ways that Valentine's allows brings us closer together as a family, it illustrates to Kate how people who love each other treat one another, and it gives us fond memories that we can treasure for years to come.

Sledding at the Cabin

We went to Scott's family's cabin for the weekend at the beginning of February. We invited all my family and my brother Chris' family came up Friday night. Chris, Michelle, and their four daughters. Then after breakfast Saturday morning my sister Jeni's family came up. Cameron, Jeni, Sam and Sam's friend Clark. We had a wonderful time.

 Presley and Kate

 My brother, Chris, with his newest addition, Marisa.

 

Kate, Queen of the hill, sucking on an icicle.

 Chris, Michelle, and Marisa about to bundle up to play in the snow.

 Marisa, bundled up. My brother was getting a little silly dressing her up like something out of a Star Wars movie.

 We sled down the hill then ride up the hill with a rope tied to the Ranger. I wasn't reckless enough to hang on to the rope and have myself dragged by the Ranger. I drove the Ranger some of the time and walked up the hill the old fashioned way several times.

 Kate is smart enough (she must get that from me) to ride inside the ranger. Here, Scott is pulling my brother, Michelle, and their oldest daughter (baby Marisa was at the cabin with Jeni).

 We took this picture just to show the level of the snow. Keep in mind that Scott is about 6'4"! I know I look like Annie Oakley. I haven't learned how to be cute like Sam and Michelle. 

Out into the Cosmic Space that is the Blog-o-sphere

Okay, so I've been thinking. This is dangerous. I am thinking about life. I've begun to believe that everyone has CRAP that they deal with. I like to believe that we aren't alone in our struggles but that life is a struggle for all and the key to living well is learning to struggle gracefully.

You know when you look at a friend and all the good that they have in their life--you look at them and they seem like they have it all together. You stop and wonder, "Surely they must struggle with something... there must be something that makes them crazy and keeps them pleading to God for help. They must look around and wish something about their life came easier for them."

Does anyone else do that when you look at a person's life from a distance? 

I feel like things are great and Scott and I have been amazingly blessed but I still think we've really gone through - and are still going through - a lot. Scott said, tonight, that there are seasons and I just thought this has been a long season for us.

We've learned a lot the past two years with Scott's business slowing way down and barely making a profit. We've learned what really matters - perspective - but still, even with a pitiful salary, I have somehow been able to stay home with Kate, in a house, of our own (well, someday it will be ours). This has been a miracle for us that I have been able to keep doing what I love and not have my time divided between working outside the home and mothering.

We've learned a lot the past three and half years wanting to have another child and having that blessing denied us. I'm still so confused over this. I'm at the point where if we do get good news, I will be waiting for it to be ripped out from under us because I'm so used to having a lack there. And I also don't know what I will do if we really end up with an only child. That is the weirdest thing to me. I can't even see myself, old, just me and Scott, with one child coming to visit us for Thanksgiving. But what have I learned? I think I'm still working on this one. For sure, I am grateful for that one child who amazes me daily - that one child who has taught me to love beyond anything I could have imagined - that one child who successfully changed me forever. But still, with all that, I think this one hard thing still has some left to teach me.

You know how people put those buttons on their blogs. Like my "I'm a Mormon" button or "I Read NieNie" or whatever, I wish we all put a button on our blogs that said what we were going through right then like (these are just examples and not real for me): "My family isn't speaking to me" or "Now that the kids are grown, I can't stand my marriage" or "My Mom has Stage 4 Cancer" or "We live with our parents and can't afford a house of our own" or "I can't find Mr. Right" or "My son has autism" or any number of other things. I wish we could just put it out there so that everyone would know what we were going through and no one would have the need to look at our life and wish for it.

Scott and I have so much to be grateful for and I know I wouldn't want it any other way because the way life has gone is the reason I've learned what I have. But still, I look at most of the friends Scott and I hung around when he and I were dating and they all have four kids, mucho successful businesses, big-new-perfectly decorated houses, clear skin, lovely bodies (not that I'm complaining about my body, it's okay, but they've all had 4 kids remember...I mean 4 kids and still looking way hotter than I ever have), they say the right things, they appear happy and yada, yada, yada.

I try to remind myself. "It's okay, Julie, they've got something too." Not that I wish people to have misfortune but that life is hard for everyone in some way, at least that is my theory. Am I wrong? Enlighten me people...

Pulling out the Past

Today and yesterday, I've been going through my journal from when Kate was almost 3-years-old (yes, I still write in a paper journal). I've been putting my journal entries where I talk all about Kate into her scrapbook (yes, even with how much I LOVE Blurb, I still do a scrapbook). This has put me in a giggle-fest, with me enjoying the cuteness that was and is Kate! I forgot a lot of things that happened and it has been so fun reliving it all.

With the books I've already made, Kate will sit with me and have me read each little thing and tell the stories from the pictures. She'll smile and beg for more. I know that these books will be a treasure for her as the books my mom made for me have been a treasure to me.
I already have a plan to put photos and journal entries for Kate in a blurb book going forward but I have all these printed photos from my pre-digital days and my pre-blurb-making days that I might as well use up. When I'm caught up in Kate's scrapbook to 2010, the rest will be blurb or some kind of bookmaking software.

Side note: As I finished up in the journal from the end of 2007 today, I glanced at the first page of the journal before putting it back in my box o' journals. On the first page, I had written about the Trolley Square shooting, February 12, 2007, where a young Bosnian Refugee shot and killed five and injured four more until an off-duty, Ogden Police officer shot him dead, ending the killing spree. I remembered most of that but I had COMPLETELY forgotten until I re-read my journal that my mom was headed to the Trolley Square mall that evening and would have been there at the same time, except I begged her to come pay attention to me because of the rough day I had had. What a blessing, eh? Sometimes bad days are a blessing!

Museum of Church History and Art

We had family night on Monday and we talked about Joseph Smith and how he prayed in the grove of trees and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to him. We talked about the Angel Moroni and the gold plates. We showed her pictures from the Gospel Art Kit and used a flannel board set we bought from Deseret Book. We sang the song about the first vision and Kate's favorite, Follow the Prophet. During the lesson, I remembered that the Museum of Church History has a replica of the gold plates and some other things that might be interesting for Kate to see. So, we planned an activity for Saturday. We had a spectacular time. 

 They have a children's discovery area upstairs. They had cloth dolls of Book of Mormon characters.

 The replica of the gold plates that you can look at mock engravings, flip the pages, and even try to heft.

 Kate enjoyed trying to "abridge" the plates. They had sample writing that the kids could try to copy.

 We had fun. We even saw the children's art in the basement - bright, beautiful stuff!

Scott loved seeing an original page written in Oliver Cowdery's hand from the translation of the Book of Mormon. We were all fascinated with the replica of the emigration ship made in exquisite detail and an actual handcart from 1847. I loved the hall of the prophets with interesting memorabilia from each prophet of the last dispensation. The Museum had a lot to offer! We bought Kate a little Pioneer figurine set of four at the gift shop before we left. Very cool.

After our fun time we made our way to Kodiak Bakery for a cookie.