Most Embarrassing Moment ...

Next to the time my dad told me I needed to start wearing a bra when I was eleven, today's experience ranks as my MOST embarrassing moment!!!

August 3 is our 11-year-wedding-anniversary - on August 4th, my family has a vacation planned to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Scott and I were talking to my mom and dad and they thought it might be fun to go up a day early and stay in Idaho. Then they could meet up with the rest of the family on Thursday. We told my mom that the third was our anniversary and my mom suggested that we go up with them and they could watch Kate for us so we could have a date.

I thought that might be nice. Scott and I could go to dinner together. Kate could hang with the Grandparents. We could get two different hotel rooms or a two-room suite so we could all spread out and still have our own space. I said, "yes, let's go up a day early."

Soon after, my dad asked where we would like to stay and I told him Scott and I would look at it and let him know.

Sunday, Jeni asked if Sam could come up with us. I told her that we would be celebrating our anniversary but that mom and dad would be going up early too so she could ask them to make sure that we have space for her.

Today, Dad calls and tells me that he likes this hotel in Rexburg and we could split the cost of the room (again, I'm picturing a two-room suite). I ask about the room and he tells me that we have the choice of two queens and a hide-a-bed or one king and a hide-a-bed. I have to ask, "Is it two rooms?" He checked and he couldn't find any suites in that hotel that had two rooms. I realized that Scott and my little romantic anniversary that I had in my head wasn't being understood by my dad. I said, "Well, that's our anniversary night. I don't know if that means anything to you..." {dot, dot, dot... yada, yada, yada...}

Everything after that was just an embarrassing train wreck. My dad chuckled it off and so did I but how awkward. He asked if we wanted my mom and him to have Kate overnight and I didn't want to ask for that at that point because I was so embarrassed but that was what I had hoped. Either that or a two-room suite just for Scott, Kate, and me. I don't mind paying full price for it either. 

My dad then joked that they could give us a conjugal visit and watch Kate between the hours of ... and ... and then bring Kate back. UGH! If I wasn't already embarrassed...

Now what do I do? I almost just want to stay home.

On to Plan C

I am in withdrawal after having my brother and sister-in-law's four girls with us for two days, one night, and one late night. They were so lovely. Their ages range from 9 months to 12-years-old.

I miss them.

Having had them here, I see more clearly how well they work together. They are one. They are a pack. They do everything together. They know each other so well... likes, dislikes, behaviors. They stick up for one another. They watch out for each other. They entertain one another. They are more tolerant, patient, and selfless because they have each other.

Now, after the pack-n-play, the fold-out beds, the high chair, and all the baby toys are put away. I can't get over the pain that Kate doesn't have what those girls have.


I'm sad that Kate is alone. 

People always tell me that everything happens for a reason. What is the purpose for this experience? What good does it do Kate to go through all of her childhood alone.

Since April, Scott and I have been slowly moving through the steps to adopt through LDS Family Services. We went to the five classes, we filled out some initial forms, we asked a few people to submit letters of recommendation. We each had physicals (even Kate) clearing us for adoption. {My OBGYN even had to fill out a form listing all our "procedures" and tests and one of the questions was for him to list what percent chance we had of conceiving on our own - how can anyone really predict that anyway? My OB put "N/A". I'm glad he didn't even bother to respond. What a dumb question.} We paid a non-refundable application fee of $1,000.

Now we are on to more paperwork. I've completed my half of the 46-essay-question survey and answered some horribly personal, extremely difficult questions. Now it's Scott's turn. I think he's dragging his feet on the questions because the whole process is brutal. Why does the case worker need to know about any traumatic experiences we've had as children? Why does he need to know what our parents and siblings look like, what their likes and dislikes are, and what our relationship is with each of them? Why does he want to know how my parents disciplined me? Why does he want to know about our intimacy! What does any of this have do with anything? Look, I am an EXTREMELY open person, to a fault! But I don't want to answer these questions. Even still, I did it. I did it because I hope that God has some purpose for all this.

Yet, amidst my hope of God having some plan, I also have a more overwhelming feeling of hopelessness that maybe it's all too late. Maybe no matter what I do, Kate is just too old for a sibling to make a difference in her life.


Don't you think this question is dumb?
"Can you love and be loved by a child born to someone else?" How stupid is that? How could I know if someone else's child could love me?  Tell me if my answer is too rude: "Who knows? I have nieces and nephews that I could totally raise if they were entrusted to me. I feel so close to them and it's already easy for me to adore them. Many of them are not in any way blood related to me and that gives me hope that I could love a child born to someone else. This question is kind of troublesome to me because I really don't know nor could I ever know until put in the right circumstance."

Grandpa Houtz

 Today was Grandpa's funeral.

 It was beautiful and inspiring. The several family members who shared memories and messages during the service represented him so well. We laughed, we cried, we reflected on our love for Grandpa.

 Three sailors from the US Navy saluted Grandpa as the hearse pulled up to the cemetery and as the pallbearers carried the casket. A solo trumpeter played Taps and another sailor presented the flag to Scott's Mom, Grandpa's oldest child.


I love you, Grandpa, so much, so much, so much.

Food Talk

I bought Kate some swim goggles today. As I was driving home from the store, she was looking at the package and she said, "Oh, these goggles have 15 degrees of fiber in them. That's very good for you."

The other day when she was with Scott at the cabin (I think on a 4-wheeler ride) she said, "I wonder what the clouds taste like. Do you think they are nutritious?"

Afternoon Tea (cocoa)

 I totally spoiled myself this weekend with afternoon tea (hot chocolate) at The Grand America with my sisters and two of my eldest nieces on my side of the family. WOW! What a treat! This is probably the first time in my life that I felt rich, elegant, and sophisticated. That feeling wore off eventually, like when I came home and realized I'm just a lower-middle class wanna-be who gets excited just hanging out in The Grand's public restroom. Yup, pathetic. But tea was divine!   

Snowbird

 On Scott's birthday, we were up at the Snowbird Resort with my niece and her six friends playing chaperon for their co-ed senior trip. Scott slept in the boys condo and I slept in the girls condo. Kate stayed with my sister and her husband but my brother-in-law brought her up to be with us during the day so we could have some fun with her.

 We took her up the mountain on the tram. Elevation: 11,000 feet. Who would've guessed June 16th would be a winter wonderland?

 Cameron (that bro-in-law I mentioned who drove Kate up to see us), Me, Scott, and Kate. 

 Cameron brought his brother, Kimball up with him. Their family has owned a time share at Snowbird (the one the girls stayed in for this three-day senior trip) for as long as they can remember.

 Cute girl...

Two Horrible Chaperons - we had a noise complaint BOTH nights. The front desk called us at 12:30 am the first night and then the security officer and the guest services guys came to our door the next night at 12:00 am. When they showed up, they let us know that we would be EVICTED if they received another complaint. Golly. We had no idea we were being THAT noisy. We were quiet and ready for bed when we were informed of the noise complaints so the kids were pretty bummed. They wished the bothered party would've just tapped on our door and let us know that we were too loud. We would've quieted sooner. We just didn't know anyone could hear us. On the final day, the lady next to us complained again to the front desk that we RUINED her vacation and asked for financial compensation. Her husband was trying to work and we were just too noisy! So noisy that they had to leave to Park City (sorry for not feeling sorry for you honey). We ran into her in the hall and heard a mouthful of venom from her. She gave us one dose of HATE SPEACH I will never forget but wish I could.

 But laying the drama aside, we had a wonderful time. The graduating seniors in our group had a wonderful time. Kate had a wonderful time. What else matters?

 We swam in a heated 90-something degree pool surrounded by these beautiful snowy mountains.

Truly Splendid!

Kate on the Tram.

I'm so glad Sam chose us to be chaperons. I wish we weren't so irresponsible - but on second thought, some people are just plain ornery. I think that lady next to us who complained was just grumpy and probably would've found something else to complain about if we hadn't been there laughing and enjoying ourselves.

Lesson learned: be tolerant!

My Dad and Me...

 My Dad and me, when I was 6 weeks old.

...when I was about 10 years-old. He was the Bishop at the time and he took me with him to wish one of the missionaries a Happy Birthday.

...at my graduation from High School.

 

...with my mom at my wedding reception.

 ...skiing at Brighton.

...with some of my family at my graduation from College.

 ...dancing in Puerto Rico.

...starting it all over again with my girl.

I love you, Dad. Thanks for always being there for me. We've had so many great moments together with so many more yet to come. Happy Father's Day!